


At My Weakest

by LesBeHonest01



Series: At My Weakest [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BFFs, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Clexa, F/F, lexa's pov, nervous lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesBeHonest01/pseuds/LesBeHonest01
Summary: Lexa Woods has been in love with her best friend, Clarke Griffin, since they were kids. While at Lincoln and Octavia's wedding she contemplates whether or not it's time she finally tells the woman she loves how she feels. Will Lexa finally muster up the courage to tell Clarke after all these years, or will she continue to keep her feelings to herself?
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: At My Weakest [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810786
Comments: 35
Kudos: 210





	At My Weakest

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this story when I heard the song At My Weakest by James Arthur. If you don't know the song, give it a listen before, during, or after you read this.  
> Link's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-rG98j2DWE
> 
> I'm a huge fan of The 100, I love this fandom and I love Clexa! Please keep in mind that this is the first piece of writing I have ever actually written, let alone finished and sent out into the world. So be kind. If you like it, that's great! If you don't like it, that's okay too! Just don't be an ass or hateful. There's already enough hate in this world we live in. 
> 
> I apologize in advance for any typos, misspellings or errors in grammar. I also want to give a shout out to SlyFoxUwU and bulletprooflesbian, they helped with editing this story and encouraging me to write. I will forever be grateful to them for it! I love you guys! <3
> 
> Keep in mind that I've pretty much "stripped" this story down to the only thing that matters. Clexa. I didn't bother to give details or descriptions on other characters or surroundings because I felt that the only thing that mattered was these two characters and their feelings for one another. 
> 
> Also, do not be that asshole and post my work on other sites without my permission or try to take credit for it, c'mon now.
> 
> So with Bob Morley's famous words: Be well, be kind. And be safe out there! Enjoy!

_ It's a long night in a big crowd _   
_ Under these lights looking 'round for you _   
_ Yeah, I'm steppin' outside under moonlight _   
_ To get my head right, lookin' out for you, yeah _

Lexa steps out onto the balcony, closing the door, needing some air and space away from family and friends all gathered in celebration of Octavia and Lincoln finally tying the knot. She can just barely hear the music playing as happy couples pull their significant others to the dance floor to slow dance. 

Lexa sucks in a deep breath and then exhales slowly as she leans forward, resting her elbows on the railing. She stares up at the stars, listening to the current song playing while taking a sip of her drink. 

Turning around, leaning against the railing again, Lexa watches all the people she loves; they're laughing, dancing and probably all drunk at this point in the night. Amused, she smiles at that last thought and takes another sip of her drink, deep in thought. 

She continues to scan the crowds of people until her eyes finally land on the one person - the  _ only _ person - who has ever made her feel like such an utterly useless gay.

Clarke _ fucking _ Griffin. 

Lexa is such a fool, ever since they were kids. Since they were ten years old and she realized what she feels for Clarke, in spite of everything thrown their way, nothing could ever change how she feels for the blonde.

Lexa watches as Clarke throws her head back laughing at something that Raven says. Her heart rate picks up speed as she can almost hear the blonde’s laugh from where she stands out on the balcony, even though it was impossible from this far away. She has the sound of the blue eyed beauty’s laugh seared into her mind - well, everything about the blonde, really. They are best friends, afterall. At least, that’s what Lexa has been telling herself ever since she realized she was crazy and hopelessly in love with her best friend. 

Falling in love with Clarke was inevitable. 

What is there not to love about her? Clarke was everything and so, so much more to Lexa and definitely more than just a pretty face. She is indeed the most beautiful thing Lexa has ever laid eyes on in her life. 

Clarke was smart with a quick wit, fiercely loyal, brave and funny. She has the biggest heart Lexa has ever known anyone to have and the blonde is as stubborn as she is charming. Clarke cares about everyone, takes what she wants, but does so with such a gentleness that it leaves Lexa in awe. 

All these personality quirks were what had Lexa falling for the blonde so fast that she didn’t even realize it until it was  _ far _ too late.

So here she is again, going down the same familiar worn out road she always goes down when she sees the blonde, which was almost all the time. Her heart found itself in the same situation it’s always been in… Before maybe she even noticed or even realized it; utterly and completely consumed by bewitching blue eyes and soft golden blonde hair. Fighting with herself to just take the leap and say  _ fuck it,  _ to just  _ tell  _ the woman she’s been in love with since they were kids how she feels. 

Lexa shakes her head to clear her thoughts and downs the rest of her drink. She stares at the glass in her hand as she swallows, relishing the burn at the back of her throat all the way down to her chest. She looks up when she hears the balcony door open and sees her cousin, Anya, walking towards her, letting the door fall shut quietly behind her. She turns to look up at the stars again while she waits for the older woman to walk over. 

_ Could it be your eyes _   
_ Didn't know that I been _   
_ Waitin' and waitin' for you _   
_ When you're by my side _   
_ Everything's alright _   
_ I'm crazy, I'm crazy for you _

Anya leans against the balcony, drink in hand, as she too looks up at the stars as well. The two women sit in a comfortable silence enjoying the cool, quietness of the evening away from all the noise of the party going on inside.

After a pregnant silence Anya speaks softly. “You should just tell her how you feel, Lexa.” She doesn’t need to ask what Lexa is thinking about, she already knows. “We’re not kids anymore - hell, we’re almost  _ thirty,  _ don’t you think she’s waited long enough for you to tell her?”

Lexa turns her head so fast Anya’s afraid the girl probably gave herself whiplash.

“The fuck does that even mean?”

“It means exactly what it means, Lexa.” Anya says, rolling her eyes as she takes a sip of her drink.

Lexa turns to look up at the stars again. “Is that what she told you?” She asks just above a whisper.

Anya looks over at her. “She doesn’t have to.” She says, a small smile forming on her lips. “I can see it in the way she acts around you - how you both act around each other.” She reassures, chuckling softly.    


“She’s my best friend, Anya. I’m scared that if I tell her how I feel, it’ll ruin everything.” Lexa looks down at the glass in her hand, turning it around and around nervously. “What if you’re wrong? There’s no going back after saying something like that.”

Anya turns around and leans back against the balcony, facing the party now. She tisks at Lexa. “I’m not wrong.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Love is not weakness.” 

Lexa doesn’t respond right away, knowing the weight of her words before she utters them. She knows that Clarke has the complete and utter power to destroy her once everything is out in the open. 

She breathes in deeply, letting it out slowly.  _ "She _ makes  _ me _ weak.”

Anya shakes her head, sighing. “I felt the same way before I told Raven how I felt, too.” She says shrugging. “Now I see that I was a fool to have waited so long to tell her. All that time I wasted being afraid and wallowing in my own self doubt and fear. Love is strength, Lexa. Tell the girl how you feel already and put yourself and the rest of us out of our misery and just  _ be _ with each other for fucks sake.”    
  
Lexa stares at Anya, mouth agape. “Everyone knows?!”   
  
“Everyone, except the one that really matters.” Anya says softly. “We’re not blind, Lexa.” She says with a soft smile. 

Lexa swallows thickly, already feeling a buzz coming along nicely from the alcohol. She turns around, mirroring Anya’s position as she watches as Clarke excuses herself from her conversation with Raven and walks towards the bar. 

Anya follows Lexa’s line of sight. “Everything will be  _ fine,  _ Lexa. Just  _ tell _ blondie already.” She tries to encourage gently. 

The two women sit in a comfortable silence, sipping on their drinks while Lexa reflects on her cousin’s words of encouragement. She sucks in a breath and holds it through the tightness in her chest while her eyes remain steady on the woman who takes her breath away and still makes her heart beat out of her chest. Her best friend. The only girl she has ever loved for as long as she can remember, forever, and she knows she will love for the rest of her days. 

Before she could think twice about it, Lexa grabs the drink out of Anya’s hand and downs the rest of it. 

She meets Anya's questioning gaze and shrugs. “Liquid courage.” 

Anya’s face breaks out into the biggest smile Lexa has only seen a handful of times in her life. 

“Now that’s more like it!” She gives Lexa an encouraging pat on the shoulder as she takes both glasses out of her hands and heads back inside. “Good luck!” She calls over her shoulder. “And don’t fuck this up!”

Lexa takes a deep breath, exhaling loudly as she makes her way back inside to talk to her favorite blonde. Her eyes never strays from where the blonde-haired bombshell is standing at the bar, her heart feels like it's about to beat out of her chest.

_ Here I go, down that road _   
_ Again and again the fool rushin' in _   
_ But I can't help when I feel _   
_ Some kind of way, do you feel the same? _   
_ Coz I fall, I fall for you _   
_ You caught me at my weakest _   
_ And I fall for you _

When she gets to the bar, she doesn’t know what to do. She's frozen and ends up just standing there looking at the back of the woman she’s been in love with for so long. She’s freaking out. Her chest clenches and her throat feels too dry to let her breathe, yet she can’t get her body to just  _ move.  _

Clarke laughing at something the bartender says snaps the brunette out of her stupor. Lexa raises her chin and swallows roughly before she straightens her back, squares her shoulders and takes a step closer to the blonde, gently placing a hand on the small of Clarke’s back, leaning forward to speak quietly into her ear. 

"Hey beautiful." 

Clarke jumps slightly, hand to her chest, as she turns to look over her shoulder. “Lex,  _ Jesus Christ,  _ you scared the  _ shit _ out of me!” She breathes, swatting Lexa light-heartedly in the stomach. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa chuckles nervously, her heart in her throat. “Dance with me?” 

Clarke smiles, the kind of smile that reaches her eyes and makes her piercing blue eyes shine. The kind of smile that makes Lexa’s heart ache in the best of ways. 

Clarke pulls Lexa into her space by her tie, leaning forward and pressing her forehead against Lexa’s. “I’d love to.” She whispers, eyes closed, still smiling.

_ It's a long night in a big crowd _   
_ Under these lights looking 'round for you, mhm _   
_ You, you give me hope, rhyme and reason _   
_ Desire livin' this life only now for you _   
_ All for you _

This, this is why Lexa couldn’t do anything about falling for Clarke to begin with. It’s so easy for the blonde to make her happy. Clarke is like a breath of fresh air, relief to the ever pressing ache that weighs on her heart. She doesn’t even have to do anything besides simply existing, to allow Lexa to feel like she is the luckiest woman in the world, smiling like a fool, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. It’s ridiculously pathetic but Lexa can’t even be bothered to care. 

She finds herself falling into a blue abyss as she opens her eyes slowly. All she sees is blue. 

Blue, blue blue. 

Her favorite blue. Her eyes drop briefly down to this enchanting beauty’s lips before coming back up to look into blue once again. 

She swallows harshly, once, twice, the lump in her throat, pushing down her nerves. 

“Shall we?” She whispers as she brings her arm from behind the small of Clarke’s back to take her hand. 

“Yes.” Clarke answers, with a breathy laugh. She allows Lexa to pull her towards the dance floor. 

Lexa leads them to a spot among the small crowd of people already there slow dancing. She gently raises her arm and spins Clarke before pulling the beautiful blonde into her arms, resting her hands on the small of her back. 

Clarke laughs softly as she runs her hands gently along the brunette's arms, then up her shoulders. Her right hand snakes up to rest behind Lexa’s neck while her left grabs Lexa’s tie again, pulling her gently towards her until their foreheads are resting against each other once more. They start to sway slowly. 

Lexa inhales deeply, engulfed in everything intoxicatingly  _ Clarke. _ Lexa exhales, she could die a happy woman like this, with the woman she loves in her arms. 

_ When you're by my side _   
_ Everything's alright _   
_ I'm crazy, I'm crazy for you _

“Hi.” Clarke whispers, smiling. 

“Hi.” Lexa whispers back. “You’re a little drunk, aren’t you?” She asks, smiling, as she leans back a little to look at the blonde. She knows Clarke gets a little handsy when she is drinking. 

“A little bit.” Clarke smiles, emphasizing with her thumb and index finger just how much a little bit was. “I’ve got a good buzz going at the moment.”

Lexa chuckles softly, feeling her nerves fade away a bit with just being with Clarke. The blonde always made everything, no matter what it was, feel like it was going to be alright. 

Clarke reaches up with her right hand from behind Lexa’s neck and places it on her cheek, thumb caressing gently across it. 

“Everything okay with you?” She asks as blue eyes meet green. “I saw you outside talking with Anya.”

Lexa’s breath catches in her throat, falling more in love then she already is.

“I hope so.” She whispers.

_ Oh here I go, down that road _   
_ Again and again the fool rushin' in _   
_ But I can't help when I feel _   
_ Some kind of way, do you feel the same? _   
_ Coz and I fall, I fall for you _   
_ You caught me at my weakest _   
_ I fall, I fall for you _   
_ You caught me at my weakest _   
_ I fall for you _

Clarke continues to gently run her thumb across Lexa’s cheek as they lean their foreheads together again, continuing to sway to the music.   
She doesn’t say anything, Lexa knows that Clarke will wait until she’s gathered her thoughts before telling her what’s on her mind.

Lexa takes in a shaky breath before exhaling it just as shakily, gathering her courage and pushing down her nerves. She closes her eyes, focusing on just the two of them and blocking out everyone and everything else. 

After a few seconds that felt like minutes passed, her whole body trembling, unable to get a hold of her nerves, she speaks up.

“Clarke, I have something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a very long time.” She whispers, opening her eyes and leaning back slightly to brush her nose against the blonde’s. 

“What is it, Lex?” She asks, opening her eyes as well, blue meeting green once again. 

“I’m scared.”

Clarke continues to caress her thumb across her cheek as they continue to sway to the music.

“What are you scared of?” She whispers.

They stare at one another for a beat. Clarke waits for Lexa to continue, thumb still caressing her cheek gently, letting her know that she was there.    
Lexa is still trying to gather her courage, the air feels too thick to breathe between them that she feels like she's on the verge of actually passing out and has to think to remember how to breathe properly. She's extremely aware of each rapid beat of her heart, trying to remain calm even though there's a war raging within her mind. 

_ So much for liquid courage.  _ She scolds herself. 

Her heart pounds inside her chest as her eyes roam every part of the beautiful woman’s face in her arms. Clarke is looking at her so softly while her breath catches in her throat as her nerves intensify. 

_ God, she's fucking beautiful.  _

Clarke is just so  _ beautiful _ , her eyes so,  _ so, blue _ . She is so in love with this woman. Crazy in love with her. 

_ And now you've gone and got a hold of me _   
_ (Hold of me, hold of me) _   
_ Tell me what you're gonna do to me _   
_ (Do to me, do to me) _   
_ Oh and now you've gone and got your hands on me _   
_ (Touchin' me, touchin' me) _   
_ Tell me what you're gonna do _

With as much courage as she can muster up in the moment, Lexa leans forward, slowly, until she is close enough to brush her nose against Clarke’s. She hears the blonde’s breath hitch. Lexa clenches her jaw lightly as she swallows down the last of her nerves, wetting her dry lips. Her heart is beating so rapidly in her chest. She looks into Clarke’s blue orbs.    
  
_ Fuck it.  _

Lexa leans in slowly, pulling her even closer until they're flush against each other, threading her right hand through soft golden curls to allow Clarke time to stop what is happening if she doesn't want it. 

Clarke doesn’t stop it. 

“You.” Lexa quickly whispers out breathily. “I’m scared of you, Clarke, of how you make me feel - and I’m scared of doing this...” 

And here in this moment, where her words hang in the air, it would just take Lexa a simple minuscule movement. Just her head an inch forward, and she could finally,  _ finally, _ taste Clarke’s lips.    
Just that one small movement and she could kiss her best friend, who caught her at her weakest, with whom she hopelessly fell in love with, and who has been driving her crazy for as long as she can remember. 

Lexa can’t take it anymore; the growing urge to close the remaining distance between them impossible to fight any longer as she brushes her lips against Clarke’s, oh so gently. 

She sighs into the kiss, her head spinning and feeling like she is flying as the last of her nerves melt away immediately, replaced by complete and utter bliss as their mouths start moving together as Clarke returns the kiss eagerly. 

She tilts the blonde’s head back slightly, parting her lips, deepening the kiss. She shudders as she sweeps her tongue across Clarke’s lower lip begging for entrance. Clarke doesn't hesitate and immediately she's granted access as their tongues slide against one another in a well versed tango. She hears a soft whimper as she finally tastes Clarke, but she can’t tell whether it came from Clarke or herself, and something breaks in Lexa as she kisses Clarke. The blonde glides her tongue into Lexa’s mouth, ravishing it, and completely obliterating everything Lexa thought she knew. It's earth shattering. She can’t stop the way she captures Clarke’s lips as if she’s never going to let them go. Lexa never wants this indescribable feeling to end. She never wants to feel anybody else's lips on hers ever again. All she wants in this moment is to keep on kissing her best friend, because  _ god,  _ she is perfect. She wants this kiss to be her last. 

Eventually the kiss slows down when they both feel the need for air back in their lungs. A heavy pant falls from Lexa’s lips as they pull away slightly and she leans her forehead against Clarke’s as they catch their breath. 

“Wow.” Clarke whispers. 

Lexa chuckles softly. “Yeah.” She says as she threads her fingers through blonde curls. “Wow.” 

She pulls the blonde back into another heated kiss. She can’t help it now that she’s gotten a taste. This aching, burning need to just kiss Clarke again and again and again and  _ finally  _ being satiated. She wants more of it, more of  _ Clarke.  _ She wants everything this beautiful woman would allow and give her, because she is at her weakest with Clarke. 

Clarke, Clarke, Clarke. 

The kiss ends and when the two pull apart they smile at one another. Lexa stares at Clarke, tucking a strand of hair behind the blonde’s ear. 

“Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

Lexa chuckles softly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” She whispers. 

Blue eyes meet green as the song starts coming to an end.

_ Here I go, down that road _   
_ Again and again the fool rushin' in _   
_ But I can't help when I feel _   
_ Some kind of way, do you feel the same? _   
_ Coz I fall, I fall for you _   
_ You caught me at my weakest _   
_ I fall, I fall for you _   
_ You caught me at my weakest _   
_ And I fall for you _

“I think I do actually.” She whispers back as she leans in again and kisses Lexa. 

To Lexa, it feels like Clarke is trying to convey to her, as much as she can through a kiss, that she feels the same exact way Lexa does about her, at her weakest. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my story! I hope you, the readers, enjoyed reading this, feel free to comment and hit that kudos button if you want! 
> 
> Again, do not be that asshole and post my work on other sites without my permission or try to take credit for someone else's work.


End file.
